Don’t be THAT Guy

Like most (sane) people in the world, I believe misogyny and sexism are wrong and are issues that need to be addressed. That’s a normal stance to have. Sometimes though, you come across that special personality that is not only anti-misogyny, but deep within the realm of look-at-me-I’m-so-NOT-misogynistic-I-totally-deserve-an-award-for-this.

Unfortunately, these people are usually men. Annoyingly know-it-all, look-at-me-I’m-so-progressive men.

You know the kind of person I mean: the king of guy who will condescendingly inform you that appreciating your husband for taking on all the housework while you were unwell is silly because it’s your husband’s JOB to do so. Or that being a stay at home mom is somehow unfair to you even if you CHOSE to stay home and no one is forcing you to do so. Or that he’s such a progressive guy just because he doesn’t dictate his wife’s clothing choices.

Um, ok, so it’s not ok for me to appreciate my husband when he’s thoughtful and considerate but it’s ok for you to smugly announce how you AREN’T a giant misogynistic ass in your best I-totally-deserve-an-award-for-this voice?

Dear mister I-am-so-not-a-misogynist,

Not being a misogynistic ass does not earn you any medals, it just means you’re a decent human being. And buddy, if you feel the need to perpetually highlight how not misogynistic you are, you probably aren’t as awesome as you want people to give you credit for.

Nor does it give you a free pass to point out all the ways in which I , as a woman, am not making the right choices/am not indignant enough about imagined slights/am not ENOUGH of a feminist. Don’t loudly insist that I’m wrong to appreciate my husband doing the dishes when I was too tired to finish up because ‘its his job to do the dishes!’ Showing appreciation when someone is considerate does not make me an oppressed female you jackass, it just makes me a normal human being. And FYI, I expect the same sort of appreciation from my husband for everything I do, even if it is my ‘job’ to do so.

Equality of the sexes doesn’t mean everyone should be doing everything all the time, it means equality of choice, equality of opportunity and equality of access. My husband and I are equal because we both respect each others choices, opinions and preferences without letting our biological sex dictate what we each ‘should’ be doing. I have the choice and opportunity to work but I choose to be a stay at home mom and am grateful we can afford such a choice.

So please, don’t tell me what I SHOULD be doing, feeling or expecting, don’t pretend to know better than me what I want or prefer, and for god’s sake stop pretending that you’re doing women everywhere a favor by NOT being a misogynistic ass (which, by the way, you’re just lying to yourself about: you are a complete misogynistic ass).

End rant.

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5 thoughts on “Don’t be THAT Guy

  1. “Showing appreciation when someone is considerate does not make me an oppressed female you jackass, it just makes me a normal human being. And FYI, I expect the same sort of appreciation from my husband for everything I do, even if it is my ‘job’ to do so.”

    Couldn’t agree with this more. Why withhold appreciation just because something is ‘expected’? Why wouldn’t someone want to take advantage of every opportunity to let their partner know they aren’t taken for granted? If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life it’s that you should never underestimate the impact small gestures can have on a relationship.

    My husband and I cook dinner together almost every night, but each of us still thanks the other for their contributions to the meal (prepping the meat, slicing vegetables, etc.). Some people might think that’s overkill, but I love it. No matter how stressful day my work day, no matter how many inconsiderate drivers I see running red lights and cutting each other off on my commute, I know I get to go home to someone who will make me feel like a damn hero just for dicing a few onions, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

    Liked by 1 person

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