Setting the House on Fire and Other Things I did Today

After so many years, it appears that the pyromaniac within me is still alive and well. To be fair though, this time around I wasn’t trying to set the house on fire, it was more of a turn-around-and-find-flames-in-the-kitchen kind of thing really.

fire-funny
Picture this, but less fire extinguishers and more screaming

Allow me to explain.

Mondays are always difficult when it comes to choosing what to cook; my mind is barely out of weekend-junk-food mode and there’s the usual ‘is the weekend over already?’ denial that this day brings. So I decided to make tacos for lunch. Simple, quick and always a favourite in my house.

I cooked up the ground meat, cut the lettuce and tomatoes, put out the sour cream and taco sauce and congratulated myself on a job well done. I had this whole housewife thing down to a science! 1950s housewives eat your heart out!

It was while I was giving myself these mental high fives that I noticed something odd from the corner of my eye: black smoke was escaping from the closed oven door.

Oh shit, I forgot the taco shells I put in there to toast.

I raced to the oven (a small countertop convention oven, not the big gas oven thank god), with tongs in hand ready to pull the burnt taco shells from inside, only to realise that the shells weren’t merely burnt like I had imagined, but were in fact on fire.

taco-shells
who knew I could mess these up >.<

Like a happy little campfire in the middle of my kitchen, the shells burnt on inside the oven while I stared at them in bewilderment. I would like to say that I channeled the no-nonsense 1950s housewife and handled this kitchen emergency like a cool-headed pro, but  that would be a lie. In reality, I shrieked and ran around like a headless chicken, all the while shouting ‘it’s on fire! it’s on fire!’

Opening the oven door only seemed to make the flames worse and caused black smoke to billow out into the room, threatening to set off the building’s fire alarms, so I did the sensible thing which was apparently to do nothing and only stare at the flames .

Which is how my husband found me when he ran to the kitchen in answer to my shrieks.

“Pull out the plug at least!” he yelled, while trying to simultaneously throw open all the windows in our little apartment. Seeing the sense in his command, I quickly yanked out all the plugs in my immediate surroundings from their respective sockets. Satisfied on a job well-done, I turned around to see the husband running over with a brimming cup of water. Images of a short-circuited electric oven blowing up in our faces flashed across my mind and I shrieked again, this time at my husband.

“Don’t do that! It’ll explode!”

“Are you crazy? No it won’t, it’s unplugged! We have to put the flames out!”

“No it’ll explode in our face!”

The husband (understandably) looked at me like I was crazy.

“Let’s blow it out!”

So we opened the oven door and started blowing at the mini fire like it was some giant birthday candle, which for the record only made it worse.

birthday-candles
pictured: the only type of fire you should try to put out by blowing on it

“Close the door!” I insisted, “it’ll go out on it’s own when it doesn’t get any oxygen!”

The husband again looked at me like I was crazy. Can you blame him?

I gingerly opened the door and starting sprinkling water on the fire like you would onto the face of a person in a graceful faint, which wasn’t exactly effective against an actual fire.

“What are you doing?? Throw the whole cup!”

“No! It’ll explode!”

While the husband and I argued about the proper way to put out the dwindling fire, Lilly ran up to us yelling “stop talking! stop talking!”

Apparently the house being on fire was interfering with her daily dose of My Little Pony. That girl definitely has her priorities in order.

my little pony
pictured: more important than battling a house fire

By this time the fire, probably bored with our infantile attempts to put it out, winked out on it’s own, leaving only a blackened oven in it’s wake.

So yes, I very nearly set our apartment on fire, I apparently have an underlying fear of things blowing up in my face, the neighbours probably think we’re either crazy or were trying to kill each other, and the toddler cares more about My Little Pony than the wellbeing of her home.

Not too bad as far as Mondays go, right?

 

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53 thoughts on “Setting the House on Fire and Other Things I did Today

    1. Hahaha! Glad to see my ordeal is making so many people laugh 😂 All the best stories come from incidents that aren’t all that funny when they’re happening 😂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I did enjoy reading it! It was so funny! I couldn’t help putting myself in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, something close happened to my younger brother a few months back and I laughed too.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. haha, whilst you were talking about throwing water on it, I was actually thinking NOOOO! Doesn’t it class as an electrical fire? You can’t throw water!!! Not sure if it’s correct but that was my gut reaction as well haha

        Liked by 1 person

  1. HILARIOUS!!! So funny! I could picture it so clearly.

    I’ve had a fire in the oven twice…in the days before I bought a self cleaning oven. I hated to clean the oven out with all the fumes from the oven cleaner, and mess so, I didn’t clean it out until it caught on fire. I threw in a bowl of flour to put out the fire and then cleaned it out. What a mess!

    But, did I learn and clean the oven out more often? NO! After the second time the oven gunk caught on fire and I again threw in a bowl of flour b/c it did put out the fire, then spending another 2 hours cleaning out the mess I bought a self cleaning oven. Knock on wood I haven’t had an oven fire since. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A self cleaning oven sounds heavenly! And the flour trick makes so much sense, why didn’t I think of that 😂 hopefully this will be my first and last oven fire so I won’t need to try out the flour thing myself 😂
      Thank you for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t know how I remembered flour, it was something I learned in mandatory Home Economics/cooking in the 7th grade- lifetime ago. Thankfully, my brain pulled out that file card quickly. 🙂

        I hope you don’t need try it out too!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. If it has been worse it wouldn’t have been funny 😂 I’ve never had anything explode on me as far as I can remember, maybe I’m just scared of that first time being the last!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. For a small fire as such baking soda or the water would have put it out. If you throw water on grease the grease which is hot will explode all over the place. It is not really an explosion as a matter of splashing grease which makes it look like an explosion. I’m glad you and your daughter were OK. Notice I omitted the husband LOL

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahaha! Poor guy was the saner of us two during the entire episode 😂 I’ve experience the water on grease ‘explosion’ a few times when I’ve put a skillet in the sink too quickly instead of waiting for it to cool down 😓 I didn’t know about baking soda, thank you for the information! Hopefully I won’t need to use it 😂

      Liked by 2 people

  3. This is just what I need to hear/read Lynn. You do have an interesting life, but your fear of explosions saved the bacon on this one. Never throw water on electric appliances, plugged or unplugged. Electrocution is the issue there, not explosion. I totally understand the process though, because I set my big oven on fire a few years ago. I very calmly (lol) stood there gazing at the flames, wondering if I had some marshmallows to toast, When it actually hit the thought part of my brain, well, fortunately I had a fire extinguisher and had just learned how to use it the week before. After finishing the cleanup part of that one I kinda wished the kitchen had burned up, down and sideways. They use baking soda, or something like it, in the extinguishers (an idea for you if it happens again) and that stuff is so messy.
    I’m trying so hard to be serious here, but it’s just not happening. I’m laughing my brain silly here, and loving it that you, a person I have thought of as so seriously focused, could actually burn your taco shells in an attempt to burn down your apartment. We should talk about some easier methods though, with built in fire alarms. Hugs (hehehe)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I love it! Probably because I’ve done it too –setting the oven on fire that is. Also set my car on fire once, but that’s one I’m still trying to forget. How was I supposed to know what the carburetor looks like? Ya just don’t spray it with ether, in case you’re ever tempted.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh wow! I’ve never set a car on fire, sounds intense! I shall try to remember your advice on the ether seeing as with my luck , I’ll probably need it 😂

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I do t know about the oven, but we’re all fine! I’ve been too intimidated by the thing to try turning it on again after I cleaned it 😂
      Thank you for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

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