Waiting for Midnight: A Birthday Reflection

It’s 10:28pm on a Friday night.

The toddler has been asleep for a while now and the husband has just gone off to bed after a long day of work. The house is quiet, the only sound that of the clickaty clack of my computer keys as I write this. It’s a calm night, clear skies and mild weather, nothing remarkable, nothing special, a night like so many other nights.

night-lantern

Tonight though is special, special in a way not visible to anyone but me. Tonight, in 1 hr 32 mins to be exact, I will turn 30.

30.

Such a small number in the grand scheme of things, but oh so big for this 29 year old not yet ready to let go of her ’20-something’ life. Where does the time go? Where did my 20s go? One minute I was celebrating my 21st birthday and revelling in my newly discovered adulthood and the next I found myself counting the days to my 30th and wondering where the last 10 years had gone to.

10:46pm.

I know of course that 30 is just a number like any other, that just the fact of it being attached to me won’t change me overnight, but I can’t help but feel old at the thought of it! 30! That’s a big milestone. Am I ready for it? I don’t feel like I’m ready for it, but then, I don’t think I’d be ready for it if it came 10 years from now.

clock

10:55 pm. 1 hr 5 mins to go.

They do say though that you’re only as old as you feel, and as cliche as it might sound, I do think there’s some truth in it. After all, what exactly is a 30 year old supposed to feel like? Who decides? And who can say that what I’m feeling isn’t exactly what everyone turning 30 feels? Life is too short to get all worked up over a simple double-digit number, right?

11:03pm.

30 isn’t all that old though, is it? I mean, 30 is actually quite a young age when you think about it. Teen years are the reckless years, full of bad decisions and a lack of regard for the future. Your 20s are more mature but still full of spontaneity and uncertainty. It isn’t till you’re getting close to 30 that you reach a level of stability and maturity but are still young enough to have fun!

11:11pm.

You know, the more I think about it, the less formidable the number ’30’ seems to become. Turning 30 might not be the end of the world I was making it out to be in my head…

balloons
Excuse me while I go be fabulous

11:15 pm.

How exactly does one spend the last 30-odd mins of their 20s? Do I reflect on my life and reminisce abut the past? Do I wax poetic about the brevity of life and the richness of self that comes from each additional year to our age? Do I call up my best friend and have a mini-meltdown about getting old?

Hmmm.

I think, I will just go read my book and stop over thinking this.

I’m scheduling this for the morning so by the time you read this my dear blogging friends, I will have crossed the mystical midnight mark and officially entered my 30s. So here’s to a fabulous 30s and many awesome years to come (hopefully)!

birthday

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32 thoughts on “Waiting for Midnight: A Birthday Reflection

  1. That’s so funny ’cause I absolutely freaked out when I turned 30! I cried the entire day because it was official! I am not helping, am I!? Happy birthday!!!! That’s helpful! And if it makes you feel any better, think about the day you’ll be turning 80 and how silly the 30 year old you looked thinking she was old 🙂 hahahaha, oh well…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha! Don’t worry, you’re helping! Knowing I’m not the first nor the last to freak out over turning 30 is good for the soul 😝
      I’m pretty sure we won’t have to wait till our 80th birthday to find our 30 year old selves silly, turning 40 will be enough to do that 😂

      Like

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