Now it’s Personal

Being a girl in today’s world is a confusing thing: be girly, don’t be ‘too’ girly, don’t become fat but don’t let those photoshopped size zero models on tv body shame you! Have a career, no have babies and stay home with them. Wear makeup, but don’t wear too much makeup. Find a man, you don’t need a man! Stay at home, go to work, do both but be perfect at each.

 

confused-woman
what?

Apparently we, as females, need to be taught how exactly to be female so as to offend/anger/disgust the least number of people.

It’s a fine line to walk between being loved or hated simply for being female. Not conventionally beautiful? Too bad because no one likes ‘ugly’ girls. Conventionally beautiful? Too bad because no one likes ‘fake’ girls with ‘too much’ makeup who ‘friend zone’ all ‘nice’ guys (definition of all words in inverted commas is subject to change based on the whims of the person using said terms).

feminist-sarcasm
So yes, simply being female can make for a very confusing and frustrating experience and there are times when you feel utterly defeated and think it couldn’t possibly get any worse.

And then you become a mother to a baby girl.

Suddenly, in addition to ‘helpful’ comments on how you need to lose the pregnancy weight already and on how to correctly parent, you’re being berated because you put a blue onesie on your week old daughter instead of a pink one.

Apparently it’s a crime on par with murder to dress a girl in anything that’s not pink or frilly or (preferably) both. Her room has to be pink too of course, in addition to any blankets, teddy bears and bath towels. Buy her dolls, don’t let her play in the dirt, her dress will get dirty! She likes balls? That’s ok, as long as you get her a pink one with Disney princesses on it. Whatever you do, make sure she is as girly and feminine as humanly possible! Makes it all the more fun later when we’ll bombard her with negativity on being ‘too’ girly, ‘too’ weak or ‘too female’ when she gets older!

Hell no.

Don’t mess with my daughter. Don’t tell her what she can or can’t do based on your ideas on acceptable femininity! There is nothing wrong with being feminine, liking pink and frilly things or loving Disney princesses, as long as she chooses it for herself instead of being told it’s the only acceptable option! Don’t you dare take that toy truck out of her hands when she’s obviously enjoying playing with it to hand her a fluffy pink poodle because that’s what you think she should play with! Don’t you dare force those strapped orange sandals on her when she clearly told you she wants to wear the green crocs with the Hulk on them!

 

gender-roles
image courtesy: http://www.huffingtonpost.com

I’ve spend my life trying to live up to conflicting ideals of what a girl should be or should do, but I will NOT force it on my daughter, and I will NOT let you force it on her either!

You want to passive aggressively tell me I’m doing motherhood wrong? Fine. You try to imply to my daughter she’s doing ‘being a girl’ wrong? I will sucker punch you into the middle of next week.

Mess with me, I don’t care. Mess with my daughter? now it’s personal.

 

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27 thoughts on “Now it’s Personal

  1. Yes yes YES! I fought this same battle for my girls, and it was so worth it. Two of my favorite moments: the time my oldest at age three told a friend that she didn’t want to play with Barbie because Barbie is not a good role model (well, yes she was just repeating what I’d said to her, but at least she wasn’t repeating my less savory language); and when she had NO clue who the Spice Girls were in the midst of a conversation with her Girl Scout peers. My daughter grew up to be a scientist working on her doctorate at Johns Hopkins. All those other girls from her elementary school ended up either pregnant before age 19 or working at a fast-food place. That’s not an exaggeration.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She sounds like she was an awesome 3 year old :p And an awesome adult to boot!
      I don’t get why it’s so hard for people to understand that you don’t want to force Barbies and tutus on your preschooler >.< Let them choose on their own damn it! I'm not ashamed to say I was totally a girly girl, but I chose to be that way! My mom was a total tomboy as was my sister, so there was no pressure to be girly.
      The horror stories like the ones you told about your daughters elementary friends really freak me out though and I hope I'm able to guide my daughter in the right direction 😦 The world has changed a lot since we were preschoolers

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol! Thank you 🙂 The world is definitely a very different place from what it was like when we were growing up. Raising boys is no picnic either but raising daughters can give you nightmares about all the things that can go wrong >.<

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Before we had Baby Boy, I thought I wouldn’t want a girl because I wasn’t sure I wanted to “raise another me”, but I did know that no matter the gender I’d strive out of stereotypical roles, behaviors, and especially clothing.

    Then, I decided it would be OK to raise a girl, because after all, no matter the gender I’ll always be raising someone a bit like me lol.

    But, I’m almost afraid to raise a girl because of these issues right here. Having to fight for some neutrality before my child is horn isn’t something I want to do, but I don’t want to after either, though I know I always will. Having a girl though, I think, raises those stakes and makes it ever more difficult. I’d lice a little girk, I won’t love fighting all the subtleties on a very constant and daily basis 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LOVE THIS!!!! My girl loves to dress up in fun pink tutus and is obsessed with her many dolls. She also loves yoda and Spider-Man and digging in the mud. She’s such a perfect mix of all worlds and I try hard to make sure she’s exposed to all of it. It certainly isn’t always easy though! I’m so afraid of the first day she thinks she’s “fat” or “too skinny” or any of the many things society will make her feel. Ugh. Being a mommy is so hard sometimes ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There’s nothing wrong in being ‘girly’ or a ‘tomboy’ as long as you choose it for yourself. Life has way too many labels, especially for girls 😦 I’m the girliest girl there can be but I always hate being told that that’s the only way to be!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Totally agree!! I do think at an early age I have a responsibility to expose her to more than just the pink everyone is throwing at her and let her help me hammer nails, dig in the dirt and play w superheroes. So when she’s discovering even more what her interests are she has a bigger pool to pick from…if that makes sense.

        Liked by 1 person

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